Currently: January 2016 

Hi, y’all. Here I am posting again! Look at me! I will try my best to keep this up. Today, I have a classic “Currently” post for this first month of 2016. Here’s a little glimpse into my current world for the three people who give a shite (hey mommy!)

  

Current book: The Dressmaker by Rosalie Ham

Current music: Bowie (RIP), Beatles, & Best Coast 

Current (non)guilty pleasure: Bachelor, baby (so much alliteration going on in my last two answers, mmmm). Y’all, I’m in a fantasy league for this season. A group of us get together on Monday nights. 

Current nail color: Bare (another answer beginning with b! can I keep this up?!) I don’t paint my nails often because chipped nails make me feel like my life is falling apart. 

Current drink: So much water in my new S’well bottle and La Croix, as always. 

Current food: Bananas, roasted potatoes, all the eggs, sautéed kale, dates + coconut butter, and green smoothies. 

Current obsession: Making a Murderer, my Danielle LaPorte planner, and space (as in moon and stars). 

Current craving: Oatmeal with sunflower seed butter. Due to food sensitivities, my doctor has me off grains and nuts right now. I haven’t had oatmeal since summertime. Heartbreak. 

Current need: The THREE-DAY weekend !!! 

Current indulgence: I’ve been going by Fresh Market some days after school to pick up a cup of decaf and a square of dark chocolate. Bite of chocolate, sip of warm coffee, repeat. Heavenly. 

Current bane of my existence: Donald Trump on the TV right this moment. And certain middle schoolers. 

Current procrastination: Christmas thank you notes. Which I think are very important, so I will cross it off the list very soon!

Current confession: Hmmmm…I drink coconut milk out of the carton? Omg that’s so lame. I need to think about this one. I’m kind of an open book/honest with myself. My life is a big confession. In a totally shameless sense. 

Current quote: “Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me. Insisting on this story was a form of mind control, but for the most part, it worked. Every time I heard a sound of unknown origin or felt something horrible cohering in my imagination, I pushed it away. I simply did not let myself become afraid. Fear begets fear. Power begets power. I willed myself to beget power. And it wasn’t long before I actually wasn’t afraid.” -Cheryl Strayed. My girl. 

Current excitement: I’m taking a free, community ukulele class Saturday morning. That speaks for itself, right?

Current mood: Clear-headed, peaceful, and content. I had an intense massage therapy session after work. She scraped my IT bands with this metal contraption and it was so worth it. My body feels incredible. However, I’m watching the GOP debate and my eyes kind of hurt due to excessive rolling. 

Love and light to you all! I hope your Friday work/school day is short and sweet. 

I’m back.

And I have so much to tell you. 

I have something I’ve been itching to write, but I’m going to hold off on posting it because I want to talk about 2016 and my intentions for this year first. It’s something I put a lot of thought into during the last days of 2015 and I’ve been meaning to type it all out and get it out into the internet where other people might read it and therefore will maybe keep me accountable. Run-on sentence much? Not writing on the blog for months has caused a severe case of word vomit. I’ve missed that surprising gush. Nothing like a good vomit metaphor to sum up my love for writing, am I right? <3

So, in 2016, I’m basing my actions on four words. I have them scrawled on a post-it, I have them written out on every other page of my Danielle LaPorte planner, and I’m trying to think about them at the beginning of each day. 

Radiant. Bold. Peace. Flow. 

If you’ve read LaPorte’s book The Desire Map, you know what I’m talking about. Basically, she presents a unique way of goal-setting. I’ve always loved setting goals. The feeling of a fresh year with infinite possibilities. Mmmm, the sweetness. The crisp, clean life and the steps to get there written down in list format, intended to be checked off sooner rather than later. But it never worked out for me. The sooner inevitably turned into later which almost always turned into never. I’m sure millions of others know the struggle. And it’s because I was thinking about the end goal, but not the way I wanted it to make me feel. I never even thought about how I wanted to feel. I just knew it currently wasn’t good. And I thought I knew how to fix it with these lofty goals. Lose 20 pounds–was I doing it to feel radiant and more comfortable in my skin or was I doing it to fill a hole of unworthiness imbedded in me from an early age? I didn’t delve into the WHY of the things I was aiming for. I would aim for these things and still feel like shit when I got them. And that’s a shame because feeling good is the point!!! That’s the basis of LaPorte’s goal-setting theory. You decide how you want to feel FIRST then you figure out what you need to do in order to feel said ways. Goals with soul, she says. As an INFJ personality-type (someone who feels all the feels and wears it on their damn sleeve), setting goals through an emotional lens was revolutionary for me. Maybe it’s not for everyone (read: those not in touch with their feely feels), but I think it does everyone a little good to at least question the reasons behind the goals they’re setting. Are you becoming a lawyer because it’s something that lights you up or because your dad planted the seed in your head as a kid and you feel a deep desire to please him? Get curious about your life. You create the circumstances–most of the time–that affect your happiness. And when situations are out of your control, you can at least have the confidence to recognize that fact and insist that no one will steal your joy because it’s your God-given right. 

With that spiel in mind, the four words I wrote earlier are how I want to feel in 2016. 

Radiant = sending out light; shining or glowing brightly.

Bold = showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.

Peace = freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions. 

Flow = the action of moving along in a steady, continuous stream; and in psychology, the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.

I’m creating my intentions and actions with those words in mind, letting them shape my experience. They aren’t bad ways to live, are they? It’s empowering to know I have the ability to co-create with God/the universe/Higher-Power-of-your-choosing to build a life I can show up to fully. The fact that there will be inexplicable joy and sorrow is inevitable. But I can endure the intensity this life brings when I’m living in accord with my values. Like I’ve always said–at our core, we are Light and Love and nothing else matters. Period. I intend to live in the light.

Ugh, I just love the idea of living life with words, with language, guiding the process. It’s a beautiful practice and I’ve found that it really, really works. I’m only 12 days into 2016 and I feel more peace than ever before. I find myself not being as controlled by outside situations or people. I’m more in touch with my values and my worth. It’s bleeding into my professional life, urging me to take more risks in my teaching and set firm boundaries in regards to how I want to be treated and how I expect my students to treat each other. I know the year will bring challenges and possibly heartbreak, as it goes, but I feel equipped to deal with those storms. I don’t feel like I’m at others’ disposal. I have the gift of being able to tell people how I want to be treated. We all have that right. This year, I’m taking my power back, and at the same time, I’m loving harder than I ever have before. I’m owning my innate radiance and I’m not holding it back for fear of being condemned and laughed off as idealistic. I’m daring to show up and be brave. 

My intentions for this year are as follows:

– train for and run my first half-marathon in April 

– generate ideas and publish blog posts more regularly (read: WRITE with discipline)

– work smarter, not harder; maximize my time and practice self-care more often and with less guilt 

– meet new people! create community and connections with people outside my work circle and church family (read: get out there and do new shit)

I’m going to wrap this up now because it’s 10 pm on a school night and I must be rested in order to interact with middle schoolers from 9 to 4 every day. 

Talk to y’all sooner rather than later.